International Journal of

Communal and Transgenerational Trauma

Journal of
  Common Bond Institute  and
  International Humanistic Psychology Association

Myriam, Lebanon, 1993

The first word my youngest brother said was rifle.
This was during the opening siege of the civil war.
Every sect was fighting every other sect, neighbor
against neighbor, tales of rival factions
and broken promises, lists of mysterious acronyms
scrolling on the news.

The boy who once coaxed me to the rooftop
to lie in his arms under a swell of stars
became the enemy in sweatpants and a leather jacket
AK-47 cocked to blow off our heads.

When the heavy shelling began, I was in a breadline
and flew through the streets like a mad person,
dodging mortar and slabs of cement.
What was normally a ten-minute walk took an hour
through roadblocks and back alleys, the cries of the wounded
marking the end of my youth.

My mother was laid out on the pavement under a blanket.
She had been searching for me in the rubble.
Sniper bullet, the neighbors said.
Smoke and dust obliterated the sky.

Before the sun rises, I ring the tower bell to call the Sisters to Mass.
The lemon trees are flowering. Grapes and almond trees
on the terraced slopes, honeybees zealous among the blossoms.
In a cleft in the mountainside, the bees
are building their mansion of wax.

I was young once, too, trembling with passion.
I had my dreams, but the war gobbled them up.
Now I have my rosaries and my memories,
my God and my sorrows.
I am neither violently happy nor violently sad. I wear a calm face,
and behind it, the faces of the dead.

___________________________________________________

Dale M. Kushner, “Myriam, Lebanon, 1993,” from M. Copyright 2022 Dale M, Kushner. Published by 3: A Taos Press. https://3-a-taos-press.square.site/product/m-by-dale-m-kushner/35?cs=true&cst=custom

Author(s)

  • Dale M. Kushner is a poet, essayist, and novelist and a longtime investigator of the intersection between the collective value of literature, archetypal psychology, and spirituality. In addition, she writes a monthly blog for the Psychology Today website, “Transcending the Past.” The Conditions of Love, her debut novel, was published by Grand Central in 2013. Her essay, “In Extremis: Jung’s Descent into the Language of Self,” is included in Jung’s Red Book For Our Time: Searching for Soul Under Postmodern Conditions, Vol. 4. Dale lives with her husband Burt in Madison, Wisconsin. She has just completed her second novel, The Lie of Forgetting, which explores how the unspoken intergenerational traumas of the past shape our lives. -- Email: TheConditionsOfLove@gmail.com / Web: http://dalemkushner.com/